Rice
I don't eat rice with chopsticks. Heck, I don't even use a fork. I eat my rice with a spoon, and I know that's weird but it's the only thing that makes sense to me. Rice is just a bunch of tiny grains that jump at every opportunity to avoid my mouth and go missing in my kitchen. I just want to keep them contained in a spoon, you know?
Social Media
Sometimes people post things on Social Media I don't understand. For example, I keep seeing people post pictures of themselves wearing hideous clothes they found in a thrift store. Which doesn't make sense. It's like, "These clothes are sooo ugly, I would never ever buy them, let alone be caught dead wearing them in public. Oh, but I MUST post this picture on the internet where it will last forever and more people will see me in the clothes than if I actually bought them and wore them to the gas station." Madness.
Birthday?
My whole life, I've wondered if my birthday is just a conspiracy. People tell me I was born at 4:05 PM on January 26, 1992, but for all I know it's a lie! I don't remember being born, people just tell me when it happened and I believe them. What if I was actually born 2 days later? Or 3 weeks earlier? What if I wasn't actually born at all and my parents discovered me in a space craft in the forest? I may never know for sure.
Titles
Sometimes I click on an article purely because the title makes it sound ordinary, typical, average. Because I'm sick of all the "this video of a man with his cat will make you want to kill yourself" and "it looks like this man is cheating on his wife but you have to click to find out he's actually super loyal" stuff.
Thinking
When I was a child, I would lay in my bed at night thinking instead of sleeping. Often, I would become aware that I was thinking, which in turn made me aware that I was thinking about thinking, and so on. I would find it difficult to pull myself out of the spiraling confusion that seemed to never end. I'm thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking about thinking....
Small World
When we discover commonalities, we say, "It's a small world," but I think what we should say is "We are human beings." Because the world is big and human beings just have this unique capability to connect with each other and remember things and ask questions and use words and think about infinity and stuff.
Milk
Milk is weird. We drink milk from cows and it's a normal thing, but if someone were to drink milk from, like, a wolf, that wouldn't be normal. Why?
Selfies
You know, I understand selfies. Because saying "excuse me can you take my picture" is just a hassle, right? Right?
Books
I love reading books, but sometimes when it's an assignment I don't read them all the way through. Because I am the most rebellious of all the rebels in the whole world.
Marriage
Some people get engaged after knowing each other for, like, a month. I will never know how that feels because it takes me at least a month to decide on a haircut.
Faces
I don't understand the modern phrase "I miss your face!" It's usually found on social media, which makes the least sense of all, because the person using the phrase was probably looking at your face when they wrote it. It's called a profile picture. It is so easy to find and look at somebody's face on the internet. ...Perhaps I take the phrase too literally.
Love
I don't really like the phrase "fall in love" because it sounds like a dangerous thing that happens accidentally, like "fall in a pit" or "fall down and break your leg." Plus, and I'm getting religious here, we live in a fallen world, but love -- real love -- is of God. I think we should say "rise to love" instead because it's much more accurate. Love takes action and work and comes from God.
Colors
Why is off-white a color but not off-purple or off-green? What does off-white really even mean?
*I'm well aware that the correct term is "Thinking Aloud." I'm pretending to be clever. You know, "fake it until you make it."
