This is me, degree in hand and obvious college expert:
Here are things I learned about college that may or may not help you.
1. It's allllll about sleep.
It's a constant battle with yourself. Like this:
I already did college (hold your applause), so I know exactly how it is. 60% of your conversations with other students will be about sleep. And we get competitive with it.
"I was up until 2 writing a paper."
"I was up until 3 writing that same paper, because I'm more dedicated to procrastination than you'll ever be!"
"I was up until 5 watching Netflix and forgetting about that paper....wait? Is that due today??"
And there's always that guy who's like, "I was up all night writing the paper!"
ALL NIGHT?? For the love of lemon drops, get this man a medal! Give him french toast! Bring in the cameras! Call the president! Live tweet his every move! (Follow me @amylouhilton)
Is french toast not the best?
To be honest, I've pulled my fair share of all-nighters (thank you, thank you), and I've learned that there are 7 stages. Hopefully being aware of them can prepare you for the future. (These are very universal and every person experiences this in exactly the same way. This is definitely not just me.)
Stage 1: Watch 21,358 episodes of a mediocre TV show, because hey! You've got allll night!
Stage 2: Stuff handfuls of dry cereal in your face and listen to sad music.
Stage 3: Be feverishly productive for 7.38 seconds.
Stage 4: Clean and disinfect the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, the front door, the dog, and everyone's windshields (that'll be 5 dollars).
Stage 5: I don't actually know what stage 5 is because I've never been able to remember it the next day...
Stage 6: Shed a single tear while watching the sunrise and wonder if you will ever truly understand the concept of infinity.
Stage 7: Puke every word you know onto the page and, without a second glance (because you've obviously just written pure academic gold), hit print.
Then you run to campus and bust open the doors of your class like "Behold, unworthy classmates, you are filth, for I have done it! I have been awake all night long!
"Get me a medal! Give me french toast! Bring in the cameras! Call the president! Live tweet my every move! I have learned everything I will ever need to know! I have beat the college, and everything from now until graduation is beneath me!"
And you turn in your paper and you get a B! Hallelujah! You should celebrate! Celebrate with one of those naps that feels like 7 years.
2. You can fail a class.
College is hard.
You'll be ok. Your degree will still be valid.
Just don't fail every class.
3. Working too hard is just as bad as not working hard enough.
Balance is everything. School is important but it's not the most important all the time.
4. You should know how to walk and eat at the same time.
I'd love to say that I learned this by being busy and hardworking blah blah blah, but truth be told, I learned the skill by being a bum who sometimes forgets about food.
Don't get me wrong, I love food as much as the next Liz Lemon wannabe, but sometimes I just forget, ok? Like once I was taking a shower (once again, hold applause). I normally have deep philosophical thoughts in the shower, but this time I was whistling the Great Escape song and thinking literally nothing. Which is supposedly impossible for women, so hand over that trophy!
I slipped and fell and hurt my knee and my life flashed before my eyes (it was mostly naps), but I pulled myself up and continued cleaning myself. Then I started giggling. And let me tell you, I do not normally giggle. I'm a snorting belly laugh kind of person. But I was giggling and whistling and shampooing when I realized I was lightheaded and hadn't eaten in a very long time.
I was already going to be late for class. I didn't have time to sit down and eat my leftover Mac and Cheese at the table.
So I grabbed the tupperware, a fork, and an orange and headed for campus. Before I got to class I had successfully eaten the Mac and Cheese, peeled and eaten the orange, and texted my mother without ever looking at my hands or missing a step.
And I made it to class on time.
Walking and eating is not as easy as it looks.
I've also learned to eat a Frosty while driving. But that's next level stuff.
Liz Lemon is my spirit animal.
5. Pick the major you actually want.
Then work hard enough to make it worth it.
6. Take occasional risks.
I'm not exactly a risk-taker, especially when it comes to my social life. You don't have to change who you are. But the best people I know I only really met because I put myself out there. 30 seconds of insane courage to type a text or introduce yourself to somebody could change your life.
And last, but certainly not least...
7. Eat a lot of tacos.
Trust me on this one.
You definitely won't regret it.
Honestly, everything is different for every person. All I can really say is be yourself and good luck!
