...But I Digress: Brain Poop

Once upon a time I created a Buzzfeed account and made a hilarious quiz full of poop jokes. Obviously it's not important, but what happened made me very angry...here's the story. (If you are sensible and more concerned about real-world problems, skip to #4 below.)

How Buzzfeed works: Anyone and everyone can create an account and write articles/make quizzes. Those go to the "Buzzfeed Community" page where they will most likely get lost in a sea of anonymous posts. They get stamped with a "This is not endorsed or created by Buzzfeed, but a member of the Buzzfeed Community and does not reflect the views of the Buzzfeed staff blah blah blah blah stuff like that." Each post, however, is then reviewed by a member of the Buzzfeed staff and they may or may not decide to endorse the post. I knew this was the process, but it didn't seem to matter.

I made a quiz called "I Can Tell What Kind of Person You Are Based On When You Poop" and it was hilarious. Call me immature (I have a counterargument for that) but I thought it was great. I spent a long time getting the wording of every question and every answer just right and finding pictures that enhanced my carefully written words.

I posted the quiz on Facebook. My friends loved it. I went to sleep with 30 "likes" and a happy heart.

I woke up in the morning to three emails called "Your Post Got a Quiz Badge!" and "Your Quiz Was Promoted to the Front Page!" and "Your Post is Trending!"

(Note: By noon, my post had almost 30 THOUSAND views.)

I was instantly excited. Buzzfeed liked my quiz! They want to share it with the world! My written word is finally going to be famous! I AM TRENDING ON THE INTERNETS. I happily opened an email.

The email started by saying "Congratulations! Your post 'We Can Tell What Kind of Person You Are Based on When You Poop'..."

...and I was instantly confused. See, I named it "I Can Tell What Kind of Person You Are Based on When You Poop" and suddenly Buzzfeed was telling me it was called "We Can Tell What Kind of Person You Are Based on When You Poop."

I went to the quiz. Everything was different. My name was still on it, but my words were twisted, my pictures were replaced. Buzzfeed had put a Porta Potty in the ruins of my Roman Bath and called it good. I probably gave them permission to do that in some Terms and Conditions that I didn't read, but it makes me very angry for the following reasons:

1. I worked really hard on that! Yeah, it was a stupid waste of time, but getting all those jokes just right took a lot of thought. They TOTALLY stripped my quiz down to the bare bones. I had jokes within jokes that were ripped from my loving hands with no warning. (And the world will never know just how funny I really am...or think that I am.)

2. They didn't take credit, but they put words in my mouth and that's just as bad. Listen, I'm an easy going person. Swearing does not bother me, and goodness knows the word "damn" is the LEAST of my worries. But I, personally, have chosen to keep my language as clean as I can. I don't swear. Buzzfeed changed "All Day Every Day" to "All the Damn Time" which wouldn't even phase me if somebody else said it. But suddenly I was forced to say it because my name was still on that quiz.

3. I'd like to know how much money Buzzfeed made off me because I got nothing.

4. This technically has nothing to with my quiz, but I'm already on a Buzzfeed rant and I cannot let this go unsaid. To be honest, I was already on the fence about Buzzfeed before they ruined my quiz. They frequently post questionable material. You know what? "Questionable" is not good enough. I personally think that Buzzfeed posts pornographic material (which I promptly ignore/block).

Pornography is one of the worst things this world has to offer. Don't believe me? Go to www.fightthenewdrug.org. There are all kinds of scientific evidences, social proof, and stories about how pornography DESTROYS lives, relationships, and society.

At the VERY LEAST, Buzzfeed is often harmfully objectifying human beings, especially men. (To that, some ignorant fools might say, "But Amy, I thought you were a feminist." To which I would say, "Exactly! Go read a book.")

Buzzfeed can post whatever they want, unfortunately, and I can't change that. But I want to point out a more obvious problem and offer my solution. The problem is that they post these "questionable" things right next to perfectly harmless things like "Which Disney Movie Do You Belong In?" or "12 Things You Learned from Sesame Street." (I made those up but you get the idea.)

I'd LOVE if Buzzfeed cleaned themselves up. But I'd forgive them for killing my quiz if they just separated their content. They should at least have a "Buzzfeed Adult" page or something where all the nasty junk is posted and kept clear of the harmless, hilarious fun they otherwise post.

Anyway! Sometimes I get caught up on things that I can't change or aren't important in the first place. Have a great day! And if it makes you feel any better, my next post will be jokes about Taco Bell.